• Date unknown - Saint Offren was martyred by an over-zealous Inquisition. Her final words are reputed to be “I don’t care if you burn me alive, but let me get some coffee in me first.”



  • July 30th - The so-called “New House” burned to the ground. The New House was built in the 12th century and was older than any other building standing in the city. It was lovingly reconstructed by the Merchant’s Guild and has been renovated approximately once a century since. It features eleven ballrooms and is notable as the first building in the city receive indoor plumbing. The 15th century fire is believed to have been set by very small rampaging barbarians who got into the rain gutters.


  • December 2nd - The natural philosopher Authaire published his treatise “On the Movement of Spheres, Squares, and Sheep,” which revolutionized mathematics. It is considered one of the seminal texts of modern physics. Authaire, in a shocking twist, was acknowledged as a genius in his lifetime and representatives of the Church suggested that he be given money and time to work on what they considered “very exciting ideas about the universe.”


  • August 13th - Natural philosopher Authaire, benefiting from a large grant by the Church, produced his second great treatise “On the Volumes of Liquids, Solids, and Selected Cheeses.” This set in place a system of standardized measurements that replaced the old pinch-peck-and-hogshead system, which were rapidly adopted by the merchant class within the city.


  • May 19th - The annual Parade of the Jesters was founded by Crumplestein the Magnificent. A line of jesters juggles and pratfalls their way across the city, although a decline in the number of jesters over the centuries has made this an increasingly short parade. Worshippers of Smilegod occasionally come out to assist, because otherwise it would just be sad.


  • April 25th - Crumplestein the Magnificent, possibly the most famous jester in history, choked to death on a juggling ball during a performance. Sadly it was assumed that he was merely putting on a particularly vivid act, and so he passed away while everyone was still laughing politely. An observer said afterwards “Very few jesters are ever funny, so we didn’t really notice any difference. I feel a bit guilty about that.” Crumplestein was given an elaborate and brightly colored tomb, although the centuries have weathered it to a more somber and fitting gray.


  • March 14th - An Ice Orchid was presented to the queen by one of her court magicians, claiming that he had grown it from the snows of the highest mountaintops. This made him extremely popular for several days, until someone figured out that it was a glass rose and all he was doing was keeping it chilled. While the glasswork was quite extraordinary, the magician was exiled in disgrace, and the queen’s interest turned to other novelties.


  • January 8th - The Shepherd Pope ascended to the papacy following the untimely, and some said suspicious, death of his predecessor the Lobster Pope. His reign would be long and auspicious, and involve only a few heresy trials. His first act was to pardon the scientist Argo Fairweather, and release him from the house arrest under which he had been placed some years before.


  • February 19th - The Shepherd Pope ordered the sewers of the sacred city drained and re-worked, a public works project that would consume much of his time in office. Though extraordinarily costly, the sewers were nearing capacity and in danger of overflowing into the water supply. It is believed by historians that if he had not taken such measures, the city would have become unlivable within the century.


  • February 14th - The Hysterical Dancing Epidemic hit the town of Vlogstok. It had been going on for some weeks, as sufferers tangoed exhaustedly between villages, but Vlogstok was the largest town to be affected. The guard was called out and many dancers were dragged away in chains, for which they expressed gratitude. When the guard itself began to be infected with the urge to boogie, they turned their cudgels on themselves. It would ultimately take nearly five days before the dancing stopped.


  • April 13th - The prince of the tiny city-state of Borogrovia refused to choose between two brides from warring powers. He instead married a turnip. He claimed that the turnip was named Beatrice and that they had been carrying on a clandestine affair for over a year. This was initially hailed as an extraordinary solution to the problem of Borogravia’s neutrality, but then the families backing each of the brides ceased their hostility to one another and settled down to wipe Borogrovia off the map. They succeeded, and the prince was thrown from the battlements. The turnip retired to a convent and took the veil.


  • February 21st - The Shepherd Pope issued guidelines for acceptable flagellant orders, which included, among other things, the maximum size of whips, floggers, chains, and other devices that could be used by penitents. It also put limits on the use of irritating and blistering agents and outlawed the practice of scalding. Many hailed this as a great humanitarian act, but the heads of several flagellant orders disagreed.


  • January 28th - The first candied orange peels were introduced in Troyzantium. Sweet oranges had only recently been acquired by traders, and they were sufficiently expensive that cooks did not want to waste any of the rare fruit. Candying the orange peel in honey allowed for greater use, and preserved them as well. Candied orange peels found their way onto plates farther inland much sooner than the rest of the orange, which was more likely to spoil during shipping away from the port.
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