• Date unknown - Heronius, a marauding warlord of the eleventh century, famed for the unspeakable atrocities committed upon his foes, had a vision of the Lord in the form of a flaming yo-yo, renounced his evil ways, and dedicated himself and his men to good works. He is later canonized.
  • Date unknown - A portrait of a local nobleman’s daughter is painted, which found its way into the attic of a nearby convent. It is believed that this portrait is the entire basis for the belief in St. Clytie.


c. 1013

  • December 6th - On this day in the eleventh century, absolutely nothing of interest happened. Even several people being horribly murdered later reported their demises as “lackluster” and “not really worth getting out of bed.”


  • July 18th - Pope Samantha was crowned supreme pontiff. It lasted four days before she quit, saying--one quotes--“bugger this for a game of bishops.” As 1044 was a supremely troubled time, her tenure was one of the longest of the day, massively exceeding Pope Candlestick, which was Pope for only five minutes before it occurred to someone that the pontiff was made of decorative wrought iron.


  • March 18th - Pope Samantha briefly attained the papacy, following in the metaphorical footsteps of the Lioness Pope. She ruled for only five years before choking to death on a fishbone. Her reign is otherwise unremarkable, being largely concerned with sorting out tariff disputes that are no longer of much interest to anyone.
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