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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday January 2nd, 2019
Episode 805
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Previous episode: 2018-12-31
Next episode: 2019-01-04

Summary

Is is on this day that a Professor from the Ravencoast School of Divinity visits a colleague who has been incarcerated.

Be Safe, and Remember: You Are Not Alone.

Transcription

Reverend Mord: Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is January 2nd 2019.

It was on this day that a Professor of the Ravencoast School of Divinity visited his colleague in jail, where she had been placed followed the uncovering of an illicit guinea pig racing ring in the basement of the Ravencoast Student Union.

(sound of door opening)

Pastor Drom: Mord! Mord, it’s you!

Mord: Indeed.

Drom: You’ve got to get me out of here.

Mord: I am attempting to do so.

Drom: It’s been terrible! I haven’t had tequila in weeks. Do you know that I’ve been deloused?

Mord: I see.

Drom: Did you bring me a cake with a file in it?

Mord: No.

Drom: You gotta do something, Mord. They’re gonna put me in General Population tomorrow. I’ll die on the inside! I’m too weird for prison!

Mord: That may actually be true. However, I believe we are close to a resolution. The Crown has dropped all charges against you.

Drom: Wut.

Mord: Indeed. They are no longer pursuing a case.

Drom: How the hell did you manage that, Mord? They literally caught me putting a little embroidered racing sweater on a guinea pig.

Mord: I have convinced the detectives that this was an animal enrichment activity designed to engage the guinea pigs and prevent them from becoming bored and engaging in destructive behaviours.

Drom: That’s … really kind of brilliant, Mord. But they’ll never go for it!

Mord: They have already gone for it.

Drom: But the racing forms!

Mord: Strangely, the detective sent to search the garden seems to have found no evidence and has since retired.

Drom: …What did you do?

Mord: I am certain that I do not know what you are talking about.

Drom: Mord.

Mord: He frightened several interns, attempted to ransack the potting shed and trampled on several hellebores.

Drom: And?

Mord: I am certainly it is purely coincidental that he turned up in a nearby field a day later weeping and covered in urine. Fate has a way of settling these things.

Drom: Huh. Well, he really shouldn’t have stepped on the hellebores.

Mord: The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Resistance Company, purveyors of fine and revolutionary teas. Red Wombat --- “Fight the Power.”

Drom: Wait, Mord, if there are no charges against me, why am I still in here?

Mord: I fear that the Crown is not the only party involved. The Ravencoast School of Divinity has also chosen to bring charges.

Drom: What! They can’t do that! I’ve got tenure!

Mord: That's the Hidden Almanac for January 2nd 2019. Be safe and remember, you are not alone.

Outro

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Red Wombat Studio, and is written by Ursula Vernon and produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2019, Ursula Vernon.Woo!

Notes

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