| The Hidden Almanac for Monday April 24th, 2017 |
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| Episode 560 |
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| Previous episode: 2017-04-21 |
| Next episode: 2017-04-26 |
Summary[]
Today we remember a very elaborate assassination. It is the Feast Day of Almonds, and in the garden, there is rain. Be Safe, and Remember: You Are Not Alone.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is April 24th, 2017.
It was on this day in 1860 that an extraordinarily elaborate plot was put into practice to assassinate the Duchess of Wentworth. It took place at a play in the Royal Theater and involved the entire troupe of actors, several members of the orchestra, and three ushers. So universally loathed was the Duchess among the acting community that not a word leaked out, and as the Duchess began to boo in the second act, a crash of cymbals served to trigger the murder. The lights went out in the theater, the Duchess was chloroformed—this was the easy part—and immediately replaced by an actor from the cast, elaborately made up to resemble the Duchess, who began to boo just as enthusiastically. The unconscious Duchess was rapidly thrown into makeup, spirited onto the stage and dramatically “slain” by the hero, who then turned the sword on himself.
When the actual Duchess was discovered to have actually been killed, the lead actor was able to demonstrate the sword was a prop. The body double had vanished, and the actors who had carried the Duchess on stage claimed that they thought Reggie, the actor playing the villain, was just drunk again. (Reggie was found in a stupor backstage and, when revived, thought that it was Thursday and he was late for his paper route.) Despite the best attempts of the Royal Police, the waters had been entirely too muddied and the blame could not be placed on anyone. The only reason that the tale is known at all is because of a deathbed confession by the single surviving member of the conspiracy, the cymbal player, who was 97 at the time of his death and said that the Duchess’s crimes were such that he would stand before God and testify that he would do it again. Sadly, he died before he could explain what those crimes were, leaving the world baffled.
It is perhaps worth noting, however, that birds will not fly over, nor allow their shadows to touch, the Duchess’s grave.
It is the Feast Day of Almonds.
In the garden, it rains and rains without let-up, and the interns are restless.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Resistance Company, purveyors of fine and revolutionary teas. Red Wombat --- “Fight the Power.”
Also brought to you by the Cannibalfly Priesthood. We are soggy and do not like this weather. Insects are not flying. It is unacceptable.
That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 24th, 2017. Be safe and remember, you are not alone.
Outro[]
Out of character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon and produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2017, Ursula Vernon. Woo!