The Hidden Almanac for
Friday January 27th, 2017
Episode 523
Previous episode: 2017-01-25
Next episode: 2017-01-30


Pastor Drom’s attempt at an intervention continue, and she finds a use for her acrylic fingernails. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is January 27th, 2017. 

Drom, will you please get out of my office. I am attempting to record.

D: Nope! Intervention’s not over. We’re your friends, Mord! And Mister Pointy and I aren’t leaving until you acknowledge that your life is out of control!

My life is not out of control. Except when you come into the studio unexpectedly.

D: Okay, fine, until you acknowledge you got things! Things coming off you that shouldn’t be!

You are imagining things.

D: You’ve got a thing on your neck right now! It’s white and sticking up—no, wait, that’s the tag on the back of your robes. It popped out. Sorry. False alarm. 


D: But this one isn’t! HA! 

(scuffling noises)

D: Is this a sprout? Are your beetles like eating a sandwich in there or something?

I would drop that immediately if I were you.

D: Like, how immediately? Are we talking like grenade immediately or—never mind, it’s trying to bore into my thumbnail. HA! Good thing I wore acrylic tips this week. NOT TODAY, EVIL SPROUT.

It is not an evil sprout. It has merely broken dormancy, in response to an unexpected cold cycle followed by heat. It will settle back down in a few days.

D: So there ARE things! You’ve got sprouts! Like—like a pita in a health-food store! Oh god, Mord! Is there kale under that robe too?

There is no kale and you have upset George with the very suggestion. 

D: Sorry George. Cover your ears. Or—you know, birdy little earpits or whatever. I know this is upsetting. I think we’re all upset to learn that Mord’s beetles are smuggling vegetables around.

Your gift for inaccuracy borders on the miraculous.

D: It’s what I do!

The situation is entirely under control, Drom. There is no need for an intervention. Or a discussion. 

D: I dunno, Mord. The Ravencoast School of Divinity might want a word if you’re smuggling vegetables around.

The Ravencoast School of Divinity has employed drunks, madmen, several corpses, and one professor who was later revealed to be an epic poem about tadpoles. I do not believe that they will be concerned. 

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Resistance Company, purveyors of fine and revolutionary teas. Red Wombat --- “Fight the Power.”

D: So hey, is this why you’ve got sun lamps set up all over now?

No. I simply find winter very discouraging. 

That’s the Hidden Almanac for January 27th, 2017. Be safe and stay out of trouble.

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