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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday June 20th, 2016
Episode 428
The Hidden Almanac
Previous episode: 2016-06-17
Next episode: 2016-06-22

Summary[]

Today we remember the mysterious death of a folk singer. It is the Feast Day of St. Skathrack, and in the garden, there are dragonflies. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

Transcription[]

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 20th, 2016. 

It was on this day in 1968 that the singer Lou Jill collapsed on stage during a concert. Famous for her songs “Groovy Like Starlight” and “Sweet Cool Breeze,” she had been performing to a packed crowd of young people. Once at the hospital, it was determined that the singer died of heartworm. This led to a number of inquiries, as heartworm in humans is generally harmless. Further investigation revealed that the singer was, in fact, two golden retrievers in a tie-dyed sundress. 

This led to even more inquiries. An investigative reporter searching into the matter discovered a terrible web leading to the mob, the underground Mime cult, and the highest level of government. He attempted to publish, but vanished before his findings could become widely known. For years, the so called “Groovy Retriever Papers” were legendary, with forgeries occasionally surfacing. Most music historians eventually gave up on understanding all the details, and chalked it up to the Sixties. 

It is the Feast Day of Skathrack the Unloved. For some centuries, it was believed that Skathrack was martyred during a miracle where he parted the waters to save this monastery from inundation by a rising lake. However, recent discoveries by hagiographers indicate that Skathrack was, in fact, wildly unpopular among his fellow monks, owing to his poor hygiene and disagreeable attitude. Notes left by an unknown scribe state that Skathrack “need only see merriment among his brothers to seek it out and demand to know how it was they laughed when sinners were dying unshriven at this very moment.” Far from parting the waters, Skathrack apparently drowned in a six inch puddle and his legend grew entirely out of sarcastic comments by the other monks.  Skathrack’s feast day has been quietly removed from most ecclesiastical calendars in light of this new research. 

In the garden, it has cooled slightly, but it has not rained. We are forced to water the tomatoes. Large dragonflies zip under the spray from the hose and exhausted earthworms wander about the paths, looking for relief. 

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bob’s campaign for District Court Judge. Bob used to be a mammal. Mammals should stick together. Not like birds. Birds are not to be trusted. Birds want to take our jobs. Vote Bob! He’s for the mammals.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 20th, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

Outro[]

Outro[]

Out of character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archives. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.

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