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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday June 15th, 2016
Episode 426
The Hidden Almanac
Previous episode: 2016-06-13
Next episode: 2016-06-17

Summary

Today Pr. Drom presents us with a concern about the local election, and in the garden, there are beetles. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

Transcription

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 15th, 2016. 

D: Mord! We got a problem!

…only one?

D: It’s the election!

The one where you have endorsed the giant composite maggot, formerly a used car salesman, for district court judge? 

D: Yes, that one. Except I didn’t endorse him! There was no endorsing. This is important. NO ENDORSING, MORD. We are neutral on the election! We are not campaigning for anyone. We are very clear on that. We have taken money for ads, and nothing more. And we fulfilled our community programming requirement. If Bob’s opponent wanted to come on the air, we’d accept that and grant them exactly the same amount of airtime.

D: We would also take their money.

Does Bob have an opponent?

D: Well…yes. Sort of.

D: It’s a chicken. 

A chicken.

D: The chicken has some very compelling policy arguments, Mord! 

How does it communicate them?

D: Mostly by pooping. You lay out the sheets of paper and then it wanders around and poops on the ones it likes. It’s surprisingly progressive. If it’s the judge, I expect we’ll see some real changes around here.

How, precisely, has a domestic fowl been allowed to run for office?

D: Well, nobody wanted to run against Bob after what happened to Steve, but chickens eat maggots, so somebody said “Hey, we should run a chicken!” and then Phil down at the feed store said “I got a chicken who’s smarter than most politicians,” and…well, things happened. 

While this is a clear problem for the democratic process, one questions how this is our problem. 

D: We’re the only station that’s had Bob on because of the, y’know, horrible miasma of evil thing, whereas everybody’s had the chicken! That chicken’s very popular, Mord! So now everybody thinks we’re in the bag for Bob! If the chicken wins, we could be in real trouble at licensing time!

Throw it some corn. 

D: You did not just suggest bribing a District Court Judge, Mord. That would be unethical. 

You know, in the days of Babylon and Ur, we had real problems…

D: Focus, Mord! We’ve got to get that chicken on for an interview! Who can we call? 

Apparently Phil. At the feed store. 

D: Great! Call him! Send beetles! Do whatever it takes! I’ll be in the basement!

Doorslam

in the garden, it is very hot. Milkweed beetles have discovered the milkweed, and the lantana is beginning to bloom. The Culver’s root and the St. John’s Wort have both flowered and are beloved of bees, but not so beloved as the zinnias. The purple mulberry, a pernicious weed, has unfortunately also bloomed. Still, it is a good time to be in the garden, but only for short periods, with plenty of water. 

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bob’s campaign for District Court Judge. Only one candidate has a brain bigger than a walnut. Who will you vote for?

…who, indeed. 

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 15th, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

Outro

Outro

Out of character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archives. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.

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