| The Hidden Almanac for Friday June 3rd, 2016 |
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| Episode 421 |
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| Previous episode: 2016-06-01 |
| Next episode: 2016-06-06 |
Summary[]
Today Pr. Drom arrives with a novel suggestion, and in the garden, there are beans. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is June 3rd, 2016.
D: Mord!
Oh, there you are.
D: I had a thought!
…so you claim.
D: That was an insult, wasn’t it, Mord? I’ll have you know, I have lots of thoughts. Many of them I write down and later sell. Which is how I bought you this radio station.
There is that.
D: Where’s my million dollars, Mord?
You have benefited enormously from having a bunker under my office, Drom.
D: Oh, well, there’s that. How’s George? You keeping him…uh…well-fed? Not inclined to martyr anybody?
George would never martyr you. George is an excellent crow.
D: I hope you’re right. Anyway, the thought!
All right.
D: What this place needs is houseplants!
Houseplants.
D: Yeah! Like….philodendrons or something. Or Cast iron plant. Which is not made of cast iron, by the way.
Not unless you go to the right greenhouse, no.
D: I was reading this book on how to make yourself happier and they suggested houseplants! Houseplants soak up bad vibrations!
I did not realize you were unhappy, Drom.
D: They’re not for me, Mord.
…Oh.
D: What about sedums? People do all kinds of cute things with sedums. You can make planters out of old boots and vintage lunch boxes and old toilets and stuff.
No.
D: No, they totally do. You just punch a drainage hole in the bottom and—
Allow me to clarify. No.
The sedum is a noble plant, adapted to survival in savage conditions. Some are used to protect from wildfires. They do not deserve to be stuffed into a toilet as a distasteful novelty item.
D: What if I’m doing it for modern art?
No.
D: What if I’m making a statement about the nursery trade’s shameful treatment of plants, forcing them to flower out of season to sell to people who will promptly kill them but frankly, they were gonna die anyway because of the horrible cocktail of fertilizer and pesticides being injected into their roots.
…maybe.
D: You can write the artist’s statement!
In the garden, some of the sedums have rotted due to heavy rains. The survivors are flourishing, however. The interns are weeding out vast quantities of tomatillos, which reseeded last year. One values tomatillos, but not, perhaps, in the walkway.
Meanwhile, the beans have vastly exceeded the stakes allotted to them, and are climbing any other thing that they can locate. While this is a normal part of growing beans, it normally does not happen until midsummer. Some of the beans are already producing. One wonders at their haste.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”
Also brought to you by Scarlet Wombat Publishing’s latest offering “Plants in the Toilet: A Manifesto of Art, Desire, and Genetic Modification,” with a foreword by Reverend Mord. I have not even agreed yet.
D: Yet.
That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 3rd, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.
Outro[]
Outro[]
Out of character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archives. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.