The Hidden Almanac for
Monday February 8th, 2016
Episode 371
Previous episode: 2016-02-05
Next episode: 2016-02-10

Summary Edit

Today we remember the heroic rescue of an airship. It is also the day a cloud passed over the Glass Wastes. It is the Feast Day of Coral, and in the garden, there are carrots.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

Transcription Edit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is February 8th, 2016.

It was on this day in 1887 that a zeppelin caught fire above the city. The zeppelin was The Silver Lady, a luxury airship with two dining rooms, a ballroom, and dozens of staterooms. The fire caught in the kitchen of one of the dining rooms, which was catering a private party for the eccentric robber baron Dwight Lindsdale. Dozens of celebrities, nobles, and politicians were on board. Fortunately, the redoubtable Dowager Palm was in attendance. This lady was over eighty years old, had served two tours as a medic on the front lines in her youth, and fought her way through the panicking crowd through judicious use of her elbows and cane. Once in the kitchen, she dumped flour over the fire (which had been a grease fire, and which an inexperienced server had thrown water on) and when the flour ran out, began smothering it with tablecloths, curtains, and the unfortunate Earl of Peckwick.

The Dowager Palm’s quick thinking allowed The Silver Lady to dock before the gondola portion of the zeppelin suffered dangerous structural damage, and the only casualty was the Earl of Peckwick. The Silver Lady was, of course, filled with helium rather than hydrogen, which would have just been stupid.

And it was on this day in 1953 that a cloud appeared over the Glass Wastes. It assumed several dramatic shapes, ending with a gigantic rampant lion, before dissipating on the wind.

It is the Feast Day of Coral. This Feast Day is only celebrated by coral, and vertibrates need not trouble themselves.

In the garden, the frogs have left clumps of eggs in the pond, and the golden alexanders have come up. Golden alexanders are a member of the carrot family, and self-seeds, though it is not a long-lived plant. Black Swallowtail caterpillars host on the leaves, and it will tolerate a great deal of dry soil and shade. It should not be confused with wild parsnip. Wild parsnip is taller, and can cause photosensitivity when touched. Wild parsnip, in turn, should not be confused with poison hemlock. Poison hemlock will kill you. Experts say that you can tell them apart by odor. Parsnip smells like parsnip, and hemlock smells like mice. Ill fated attempts to market poison hemlock as “mouse hemlock” for the nursery trade have largely failed, thankfully, both because of the extreme toxicity and the fact that it was a very stupid idea.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bob’s…oh, lord. Bob’s campaign for District Court Judge. Bob is a giant squirming collective maggot inhabited by the mind of an undead used car salesmen. Nevertheless, we do not discriminate in this country, so…vote your conscience, listeners.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for February 8th, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

Outro Edit

Out of character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Keven Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.