The Hidden Almanac for
Friday March 13th, 2015
Episode 235
Previous episode: 2015-03-11
Next episode: 2015-03-16


Today we recall the first invention by Alistair Whetsmith. It is also the day of the Minky’s explosion in Troyzantium. It is the Feast Day of St. Terry, and in the garden, it is time for peas.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 13th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1964 that Alistair Whetsmith invented his first creation. It was a small hand-held vacuum cleaner that could be used to suck up snow, compact it into a ball, and then fling it at high velocity. He called it the Snow-qualizer 3000.” Young Alistair broke three windows and sent the neighborhood bully to the emergency room, whereupon the Snowqualizer 3000 was confiscated by his mother. Later historians would note this as one of his first signs of greatness.

And it was on this day in 1981 that a Minky’s in Troyzantium exploded. The cause was eventually determined to be a deep fat fryer that had not been cleaned since 1957, when the restaurant opened. The blast was felt over fifty miles away and leveled nearly an entire city block. Questions were raised, as most Minky’s contain substandard hamburgers, not explosives. It was eventually determined that the owner, fearing contaminated meat, had brought in fifty drums of hand sanitizer and was storing them in the back. The sanitizer was an off-brand that had been discontinued owing to just such issues. “It was cheap,” said the manager’s widow. “So was he. You see the problem.” Minky’s corporate headquarters paid to have the block rebuilt in the traditional red-and-yellow color scheme.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Terry, who was one of the great ethical voices of our time. The world is less for his passing.

In the garden, I have planted peas. Rather, I have supervised peas being planted by interns. In our garden, we favor “Wando,” which matures rapidly and endures greater heat than many northern varieties. The peas are not as sweet as some others, but it is better to have decent peas in April than no peas whatsoever.

Ideally, the peas will be finishing just as the beans are starting to come in and cover the trellises. Life is rarely quite so ideal, but it has happened once or twice and so the gardener begins to feel entitled to it.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Big Al’s Lace Emporium. You want lace? We got lace. We got more lace than you can possibly handle. We have lace that you can kill bears with. Come get this lace, if you think you’re hard enough.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 13th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.


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