The Hidden Almanac for
Friday July 4th, 2014
Episode 127
Previous episode: 2014-07-02
Next episode: 2014-07-07


Today marks the day the Highland Mountain Dog was recognized. It is also the birthday of Lady Ebonlock, and the day Thaddeus Mackelwhite caught another fish. It is the Feast Day of Parrots, and in the garden, there are asters.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 4th, 2014.

It was on this day in 1957 that the Highland Mountain Dog was recognized by the Royal Canine Society. This breed nearly went extinct in the early part of the last century, as it was a cart-pulling dog and was largely replaced by motorized vehicles. A single kennel continued to breed them and though the breed went through a certain bottleneck, others were found in remote areas and the breed was brought back from the brink. They are a large, good-natured, extremely calm breed easily confused with a small horse.

And it is the birthday of Lady Ebonlock the Conjugator, one of the great heroes of the Ancient Order of Linguists. Known for her berserker fits, during which she would chew the edge of her index, Lady Ebonlock slew many foes of grammar. She was eventually brought down by a cowardly free-verse poet, who stabbed her in the back and then began declaiming over her body. Fellow battle-linguists rushed to her aid and the poet died before finishing his poorly spelled tirade. Lady Ebonlock was given a hero’s funeral, set adrift in a burning boat garnished with correctly used Oxford commas.

And it was on this day in 1905 that Thaddeus Mackelwhite caught nothing while fly-fishing on a small tributary of the Echo River. The nothing measured no inches long and weighed in at zero pounds. The Echo Fisheries Association indicated that it was quite possibly the largest nothing ever caught in the river, but as it defied measurement, it was impossible to tell.

It is the Feast Day of Parrots. Brightly colored feathers are mandatory at all religious observances.

In the garden, the first asters are beginning to bloom. Be wary of asters. Their vast wildlife benefits conceal their tendency to become aggressive in good soil. They also have a regrettable tendency to flop about and die out in the center unless one stays on top of pruning. Despite this, in carefully controlled conditions, asters can be a great boon to pollinators and are largely untroubled by pests other than gardeners.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Zippitywumpus Marketing! Now offering 20% off a fully tailored marketing campaign, including flyers, internet, phone and tattoo outreach! Zippitywumpus will make you smile or die trying! Zippitywumpus is a family friendly company.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 4th, 2014. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is written by Ursula Vernon. Our exit music is Red in Black and our into music is Moon Valley, both by Kosta T. You can hear more music from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. The Hidden Almanac is copyright 2013-2014, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.